So, into all that, Zexion... gets another family, one the replica's not a part of. CAVE MOTHER. The replica was really angry when he found out about these others, because, not all that deep down or hidden, he's pretty sure that the moment something better, more real, comes along, he'll become unnecessary. He definitely considers himself just a replacement for the real deal, and the fact that Gokudera and he are so much alike is no reassurance to him whatsoever, because Gokudera's so much more real and has so much more heart, or so it seems to him. And Gokudera's not broken, or someone who's also destroyed Zexion, that the replica's constantly terrified that Zexion's cave family will matter more, that Zexion will give it more time and care, that it'll come first -- or hell, it's not like he's unselfish, the fact that he has to move over and make room for others in Zexion's esteem hurts like hell to him. He feels incredibly overshadowed, and like they defeat him just by existing, and spends half his time fighting (deciding to have a space made for him in the cave, making demands when he's there, his automatic competitiveness with Gokudera), and half his time fleeing (hiding away, not going near there, running when Gokudera begins to look too lucky, with so many friends and people who are with him all the time...). He is, however, terrified to stay away too long because he's pretty sure Zexion won't seek him out, while Zexion lives with the others, so if he stays away, he will (in his mind) just vanish, while the others'll "keep" Zexion.
So, basically, now that he actually does trust someone, and has someone who is willing to -- even seems to want to -- take care of him, he's terrified he'll lose it. He loves when Zexion asks him to do things, because then he feels wanted, and even when he's kept and taken care of, he doesn't feel wanted all that often. Not that it's healthy to expect that of any Nobody, let alone Zexion, but there it is. And, honestly, the replica's very focussed on Nobodies to begin with *g*. Although the AUs are VERY much AU -- the replica has no sexual desire for Zexion at all in camp (though not taht much in the AUs either XD) -- the big seed of what makes them plausible to me for where the replica is, emotionally, towards Zexion, is that the replica is so, so desperate to be wanted and useful. That Zexion has asked the replica to help him out in training means the world to the replica right now, because he feels useful, and like finally he's able to do something for someone in a way that he was raised to.
Now, right now, we've got a thread where Zexion's not sure he's okay, and the replica's concerned. I'm not sure where it'll go, but that's kind of its origins -- he cares, genuinely, something I don't think either of them could have anticipated nine months ago.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-09-19 10:09 am (UTC)So, basically, now that he actually does trust someone, and has someone who is willing to -- even seems to want to -- take care of him, he's terrified he'll lose it. He loves when Zexion asks him to do things, because then he feels wanted, and even when he's kept and taken care of, he doesn't feel wanted all that often. Not that it's healthy to expect that of any Nobody, let alone Zexion, but there it is. And, honestly, the replica's very focussed on Nobodies to begin with *g*. Although the AUs are VERY much AU -- the replica has no sexual desire for Zexion at all in camp (though not taht much in the AUs either XD) -- the big seed of what makes them plausible to me for where the replica is, emotionally, towards Zexion, is that the replica is so, so desperate to be wanted and useful. That Zexion has asked the replica to help him out in training means the world to the replica right now, because he feels useful, and like finally he's able to do something for someone in a way that he was raised to.
Now, right now, we've got a thread where Zexion's not sure he's okay, and the replica's concerned. I'm not sure where it'll go, but that's kind of its origins -- he cares, genuinely, something I don't think either of them could have anticipated nine months ago.